Sometimes running is like a drug
And sometimes it is social
But drugs can be social
And so maybe it is more than sometimes.
But upon reflection
(and a little music)
I felt as if in the early stages
And the shaking and vomiting
(of course the other noises)
were all just a precursor
to some great journey
that I did not know I had even been on
this whole time.
And so it goes the day after…
Did you know that I almost never go to church on Easter?
I always feel so strange when I do.
Who are all those people?
And usually none of them are seen again (except maybe on Christmas).
I believe in love
But I have a real hard time loving myself
Massah I think you know
I think you know my heart
You said to love your neighbor as yourself
and if I don’t love myself…
what then will my love of neighbors look like?
But the resurrection does matter
And the heart is the hardest thing to change
hardest to conquer,
hardest to woo,
hardest to soothe when in “a state.”
So let it sink,
sink into my bones.
I know that I am not your responsibility
And that I should not think you the answer
And that you are a terrible sinner-
Just like everyone else on the planet.
And I know that you have been crushed
by your own fears
and by others
and I am not the answer for you…
but could you just buy the coffee one time?
But if the morning rises with you
And the light will touch your skin
Will the day be any different
Will your lover enter in?
But when I showed you a piece of me
A broken piece
You said nothing.
And your silence was a fire
And it burned all the pieces
And I felt them screaming
Screaming so loud
And yet you said nothing in response
And the world just turns for you
As all the broken pieces of my long forgotten heart
Shriek and turn black and then white…
and then blow away in the wind.
Why do I want to be heard?
Why do I want you to care?
The stones will not cry out
Will not be heard above the screams of my ashes
Even as they scatter in the wind.
Let the holy one judge me
And let me so be judged
His whip and scourge is to be preferred
Far more than your “friendship.”
And in this let me now see others who are forgotten
Who have not been heard
And may I do unto others…
While you wait-
Or perhaps I wait for you,
or perhaps we both wait for each other
As God continues to make us scream
Ripping off our scales
Making us in His image…
Know that I love you.