Fragments from the Breaking

I was told my father offered to pay for an abortion.

I don’t always sleep at night
Things happened,
People died.

I have not found my place in the world
I wish I could say that I believed there was one.

In a cold night, a colder heart,
unburdened from its weight
began to warm,
began to wake.

I have trouble with the gospel because I wouldn’t save me.

Was there ever chance involved?
Did you make me just to fall?
Will I ever be redeemed?
Aching for the light lost love I call.

I do not dream much.
I never really have.
I usually only remember the nightmares,
sometimes I am too tired to scream.

If I could just touch the hem of His garment,
If He would just say a word…


23 thoughts on “Fragments from the Breaking

    1. I remember my first overnight canoe trip. It was on the Saco. I was only four or five. There was something magical that never left me from that trip. Maybe it was the glint of the sun on the water. Maybe it was the shade of the trees on the banks. Maybe it was the cool breeze in the hot sun. Maybe it was the sound of the water lapping on the boat or the singing of the birds. Maybe it was the marshmallows on the fire at night. Perhaps it was the company, the feeling that I was loved and cared for. I really couldn’t say. Still, Maine was always a special place to me.

  1. You’re in good company of not feeling you would save you. Paul, the apostle, called himself “the worst of sinners,” and said that by God’s grace he was an apostle. Paul couldn’t believe grace himself. You could tell by his writings. He just soaked in it.

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