Hard Truths About Myself

My smile is not genuine
Another first with you
Although in fairness you cannot see
And words are like a lie
I cannot stand at all like this
And you should know that it is true
With all those names upon your arm
The weight grows heavy now.
While I try to make you laugh
And while I give myself away
I die inside and cry myself,
Cry myself to sleep.
Have you ever seen a man pulled apart?
Tied to jeeps as they drive away?
A body cannot hold together
Under any tension.
And if the body is so frail
Do you think the soul is so different?

By the brook that gentle song
sung by birds upon the branch
wound its way inside your soul
and spoke to you of love.

I am least among my people
An ailing leper dying slow
Lost out in the desert sands
Lost inside my mind…

Memory fails.

What was it that made the tide
That pushes me around?.
I swim and swim but I grow tired
And the water waits for me.
I like the happy face
the brave face
the face that comforts
the face that smiles
the face that brings peace
but a wounded spirit,
who can bear?
Who can fake it for this long?

I cannot see the face of my father; it is faded from my memory and gone black.

I like to feel connected
And now anything will do
But that is wrong
And burns are real
and still those words are true.

My hope fails me.

Sweet times that spoke to me
Hearts communed in gentle rest
As I fade to fantasy
I lose the will to rise…

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7 thoughts on “Hard Truths About Myself

  1. Men pull apart?
    Stoic memories of unfailing, strong men,
    Fighting for ME….I have to respect
    Those lives.

    My darling, emotions in that
    Persuasion is common.
    Emotions from the heart,
    Deep depths of your hearts caverns…
    Not so much.

    Your poetry describes such loss.
    Hold me, and it shall dissipate.
    I have that gift.

    Pain can leave us with ample
    Distractions.

    1. I wish that I believed it so
      That holding you could make it rain
      Take the monsters far away
      And stab them in the heart.

      I reach for a line
      And it is hard not to take
      any that comes my way
      And i want to be held
      And not cry so much alone.

      If I could make myself something
      Other than just what I am
      Then I would fall to pride
      And my success would still be
      a failure.

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