Not Enough

I think sometimes
When I am “being real”
that I am not that helpful
and I tell myself,
“at least you are being honest…”
as if that made it ok
to say this or that
and to write the things I write–
you know,
“the real stuff.”

I think sometimes
when I am doing just what I want
and it is so bad
for everyone
that I tell myself,
“you have to start where you are,
not where you wish you were…”
and the worst part about that advice
is that it is true
but still,
I represent people
and things
badly.

I think sometimes
when I have a burst of inspiration
I don’t think about what it will do
or I choose to lie to myself
and bottle it up
and I never find a balance.
But there has to be
a balance.

I know that words have power
and that lying to yourself is dangerous
and that communicating is important,
but that is all I know,
and it is not enough.