Some nights are just longer than others
and if I were to be honest
I would tell you
(or at least tell myself)
that I didn’t like the waiting–
that I didn’t like the temptation and the testing,
that I was
in fact
very tired.
I have dreams you know
the ones I don’t like to think about
(which almost guarantees they won’t come to pass)
because I have a hard time with happy endings
(at least for myself)
but if I were to be honest…
I still have dreams.
But I am afraid to make them prayers
Do you believe in God?
I do
But I have some serious trust issues
even with Him.
I am afraid of joy.
I don’t trust it.
How could it possibly be?
For me…?
A Soul's Walk 
I’m afraid of the balance of sorrow that joy may bring…because joy seems so selfish and I am selfish with joy…
I understand.
I used to feel like this, but NOW is different. God IS trustworthy, and so is His joy–He desires to bless us, to give us abundant life (joyous) in Him. I wouldn’t make this up, it’s not just poetry.
“just poetry…” I’ll try not to be offended. 😉
There are many who doubt and question. I think that is real, we are human. I appreciated your thoughts. I am an optimist and hope that you will find happiness, trust and some form of God/Mother Nature/ all being.
God already found me a long time ago.
I can relate to some extent. I went through a couple of seasons of doubt in the foundations of my faith. I am still healing from those wounds. It is like I feel betrayed by God, but I wasn’t. I was betrayed by an institution that was scared to educate me in the ways of faith and reason. They can coexist. I love hearing about other people with trust issues. It makes you real, and God values real people above those who lie to themselves.
Keep up the honesty.
Keith
If I were to be honest, I would tell you I love ecclesial institutions. If I were to be really honest I would say that rarely do I find fault on a day to day basis with such institutions… individual persons however… but maybe honesty is only wanted sometimes and openness even less.
Thanks for sharing with us your poems. I read a few of them and in some way, it reminds me that being a Christian doesn’t mean life will turn out easy for us, we’ll face trials and hardships and questionning, but God has a purpose in making those happen. When fear comes in my heart, I always remember that somewhere near, there’s light…