Answer

And I got a call.

You are always doing something mundane when you get them.

When I got there
he was sitting on the floor
with a gun to his head
just like I used to do…

When I took the loaded gun from his hand
I did not have much to say
I did not want him to die
but I did not judge or become enraged
because I had not wanted to live myself–
not since sometime in the eighties, anyways.

I felt so powerless
and numb inside
as if things like this had happened one too many times
and that one time was twenty times ago.

Sometimes it hurts to breathe
and fun and laughter feel like daggers
sometimes I just stare into my coffee cup.

No one likes a whiner
and someone’s always got it worse
but we don’t feel safe opening up to each other,
do we?

Everyone hurts
everyone sins
and most of us
pretend that that ain’t true.

Let the north wind carry my heart to Jesus
Let the high snows cover my soul in silence
Let the rocky peaks rise to meet my spirit
and let me bow my knee to my king.

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17 thoughts on “Answer

  1. Very moving. Having been a counselor for a very long while, I understand your responsiveness. But I, too, know a side of life that is full of shadows and hurt. It was such an open and immediate poem; I think I liked it best of all your offerings. The last paragraph: yes. And yes. My heart goes out to you and the despairing person you care for.

  2. Wow, wow and wow. I remember when I spent most of my time trying to die, horribly miserable. And I still can hardly believe Jesus loved me enough to “make me live anyway” till I could catch the revelation of His Great Love, which would change my life completely–so that I might know Real and Lasting JOY. Amazing Grace isn’t just a song title. God bless you today–love, Caddo

  3. This is beautifully written….. The Grace of God is Amazing… even though we may never agree with His methods or plan, He is always the one in control. He sees the big picture and we see but a portion…

  4. About someone who ended his life recently: He didn’t want to die. He only wanted the pain to go away. There is a difference.

    Salvation has to come from beyond ourselves. Thanks for sharing this.

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