Some Ends

But you would have me hope
and trust that this will end
and hold the torch as I run
to places that you send.

And I would have you have your way
And let the evil fall
And then with love I’d get back up
And answer to your call.

Getting Up

It is not enough
to feel regret
Judas didn’t hang himself
because he didn’t feel regret.

It is not enough
to believe in the head
the heart will fall hard
and die empty in pain if belief is just for minds.

It is not enough
to know a way
you must depend
on someone other than yourself to open the door.

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Middle of More Than a Week

Power is hard to come by sometimes
All the sweat you can give
Will not result in what you desire
Life is not that kind of easy.

On a Tuesday

So I know
that on some level
I have to change
for reasons
other than
a girl.

But to act like that is wrong
and a silly reason
makes no sense
none at all–
at least not to me.

And how is a person
that hates himself
supposed to do anything
for
himself?

That seems cruel
and
rather unlikely.

Believing

You can’t be real
I mean,
not really real, anyways
I kind of get the brain chemistry thing
and I get the whole “have to WANT to change” thing
but why would I ever get
to have
a
reason
like you?

My faith is not that big
and my hatred
of
myself
is that strong
and so

I have a little trouble…

believing.

A Note

I am taking about a week off. I expect to be back next Monday– not the monday in a couple of days, but the one after that. Here’s to finding peace… and maybe even hope. Cheers everyone.

Ragged

Who could dream such as her?
A nymph whose lithe form speaks truth
Who could hope for such as her?
Shackled down in chains.

Growing clinging climbing high
Green with life that clings to stone
Hope with lips and hips and eyes
A voice in silence not my own.

I am tortured by her kindness
And cannot see the way to her
And if she turns to cruelty
I will surely burn.

The Death of the Resolve of a Dreamer

“I will
If I can
If I’m still standing
In the end.”

An Excerpt Inside

Wars never fought.

A gentle mist that sits upon
Fallen stories drenched in blood
Burdens filled with guilt and shame
And all that quiet rage.

Her hair shines
And so does her spirit
Though she seems not to know it
Most days.

The heart gets beaten and depressed
The worries and the sickness weigh
And all the heartache fills the world
At least what you can see.

When she speaks

I am stilled.

As if caught
in some web
and I cannot move
at the sound
of her lovely voice.

They locked up better men
and left me out and free
They took the best that I had given
And threw it out with shit.

I do not see the light sometimes
The darkness fills me far too much
And I cannot take all this feeling
Sobriety is hard.

When she steps into a room
My mind goes blank with hope and fear
And everything becomes a jumble
Tossed and thrown about.

The fighting always never ending
A constant war without a pause
I long for rest that does not come here
At least it has not yet.

It is not oft she drops her guard
But when she does the angels sing
And in the voice of heavenly choirs
She might finally deign to speak.

I could not rise when I was bidden
Or so the chains did speak to me
And while my loved ones screamed in dying
I was fast held down.

Her eyes are big like pools of beauty
In a quiet mountain cleft
Though all about the storms are raging
Inside their waters lies still dreams.

He sent me to a desert flying
Thrown upon the waiting sand
Ripping flesh and bruising ego
Break the bones to save the soul.

If I look up I fear I’ll die,
I draw so close unto the end
I am so heavy: I cannot fly.
But still you call to send.

Gold and blue that soothes the soul
A waiting shelter in the storm
A sign of hope and futures loved
After all the pain.

“Is The Blood Magic?”

When you don’t sin…

Does your physiology change?

When all you do is love
and forgive
and love again
How do we begin
To even comprehend
That which your word claims?

I mean it’s all so unfair
How could you resist?
Anyone of us would have ended up killing
So very many people
If we had your power.

And yet I can see
That your way is so much better
And I want it so bad.

Please speak to my heart.