I need help
Years bleed one to another
I feel numb
All is fading now…
I need help
I need help
Years bleed one to another
I feel numb
All is fading now…
Waiting for the clap
Of that thunder rolling in
That’s not how it works.
You said that one thing
As the boat bobbed up and down
And the wind paused
But I just couldn’t bring myself to believe you
And yes I know how many problems there are with that last line
I know that’s not how belief mechanisms work
But we can’t talk philosophy all day everyday.
I hate this place
There is no wind
Unless it’s blasting you with sand
There is no heat
Unless it is burning your skin
There is no peace
Unless you came with it
And I did not
And I am so exhausted
By my own sins
And those done to me
That I feel comatose.
I cannot cry out to you in this state
It feels like I will die here
I remember the day she kissed me
But I threw that away
And my hope went with it.
Thank you for the food in my belly
I know that it might not always come
Thank you for the shade from the sun
I know that I may yet be cast out further still
Thank you for the work
Forgive my complaints
I have forgotten how to pray
Christ have mercy.
You are a dog
I will make you a lion
You are in the dirt
I put you there
You will stay there
Until I am done
And I will not be finished
Until I hear you roar
You will roar for me.
Hearts beat. Do you know what they sound like? The back and forth makes a rhythm that is beautiful. We know that when we ignore our hearts bad things happen. The rhythm gets off. Things break. But once a heart is broken does it ever get put back together? Can it be?
Sometimes you have to stop crying. Sometimes you just need a break. You can’t live in the moment of your greatest pains indefinitely. If you do you will be consumed. You will come undone. There have to be things other than the pain. Even if they are only temporary they have to be. If there is only the pain you will die.
While there are plenty of bad things that we all have tried to take breaks from our various pains and traumas there are also good things. Connections with other people are good things. Humour is a good thing. Laughing with others is a welcome break– especially if you know you are laughing with people who do not expect you to always be laughing.
I write poetry. But I cannot always exist in the space that I have to go to to write. I need a break just like everyone else. Thankfully here on the internet there are people trying to make other people laugh. Over the past two years I have spent a lot of time reading other people’s poetry. This has been fantastic. But thankfully, I have had the opportunity to read things other than poetry as well.
Just one of the other blogs I read regularly is A Clown on Fire. Le Clown makes me laugh. Now I am not actually going to suggest that that is the only reason I read his blog. It is not. But quite frankly I need to laugh sometimes. That is what his comments section is for. I love his responses to his reader’s comments. Also I love his reader’s comments. OK, I love him and his readers… and their comments to each other.
Sometimes when things are really bad you need someplace to go. Sometimes that place is not a physical place at all. That does not make it any less real. Poetry can be cathartic (which is good) but it can also be a bit too intense sometimes. As most poets know it can be exhausting writing a piece that you don’t even like when you are done. While it is important to find ways to be real and to be honest it is also important to laugh and not always take yourself so seriously every moment of every day. I hope all of you my readers can find a place (in life or online) where you can laugh a little without having to be dishonest or fake. Cheers.
As I have just had another anniversary for this blog I feel some changes are in order. So if the site looks different for the next couple of weeks or so don’t panic. I will be trying out various theme changes and other little bits. Of course if you have any thoughts on that don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments– even if the thoughts are, “PUT IT BACK THE WAY IT WAS!”
The Desert Abbey will return so if anyone is interested in posting on this site that will be an option once again. However, in order to do that I will need to find a new blog e-mail (as the old one from Lavabit is no longer functioning). So I will ask all of you:
Do any of you have a dedicated blog e-mail? Do you like it? Do you hate it? Any recommendations? Any companies to avoid?
I appreciate all of you and look forward to a new year with some old friends and plenty of new ones.
This blog just had it’s second anniversary recently. Not surprisingly (as a poetry blog) I spent a lot of time reading other poetry blogs. I had the great pleasure of reading some outstanding poetry that influenced me. Sometimes I had the good sense to write it down or print it out… most of the time I did not. The reason this is significant is because many of these poets have shut down their blogs for all sorts of different reasons and I cannot go back and read their work even though (at times) I desperately want to. Two years does not seem like much time and yet it also seems almost an eternity.
François Bergh was one of the first other blogs I followed. I believe he wrote from South Africa. Sometimes he posted music too. He wrote some fantastic love poems (not that he was a one-trick pony, mind you). His blog is gone and he left a beautiful goodbye message by another musician. I miss you Mr. Bergh. I hope you are well.
David wrote amazing Haikus. I don’t know his last name. I don’t know if he is “published in real life.” I believe he wrote from Maine (one of the states in the United States). He could do so much with so little. He made me realize that Haikus are not just something you teach school children to introduce them to poetry because they are short and “easy.” He was a master of the Haiku. I wish I still had access to his archives… I feel like there is so much more for me to learn. Please be well my fellow traveler.
David Jones wrote poetry for the site OneMereMortal. His words could be like a gut-punch that you did not want to recover from because at the same time they would rip apart your heart they would also speak to it that it was not alone in its pain or in its ecstasy. And none of us want to be alone. Mr. Jones your words were beautiful. Also, your quotes of the day were always profound food for thought. I will miss them. I will miss you. Don’t ever hesitate to contact me through the blog if you get the inclination.
Caddo Veil was one of my most frequent commenters. She was one of my nicest and most sympathetic commenters. She always read my posts. I always read hers (even when I didn’t comment or “like” them). Her poetry got better and better and better the longer she posted. She wrote poems about our God and all the things He had done for her and in the world and in the heavens. Her words were so beautiful and so true and I miss them so much. I did not really realize just how much I missed them until I sat down to write this post. I “say” this with tears: “I miss you sister. I will see you on the other side of the veil if not before (see what I did there- wink, wink, nudge, nudge).” And don’t ask me why I always tell terrible jokes when I am trying to be serious.
There was a poet on wordpress who called himself “Planaquarium.” He (like Caddo) wrote about our God often. His poetry was so beautiful that I used to run to the computer in the morning when I woke up to see if he had posted anything. It was so good that if he had only posted one poem every year and had posted that poem on a different day on a different month every year (so that it was never posted on the same date) I still would have checked his blog every single day (sometimes twice a day) to see if he had posted anything. Words cannot express how much I miss your words. I wish I knew you. I pray that you and yours are well. God bless you sir.
These are just some of the poets that have gone on to other things. There were others as well. And these are just some poets (I didn’t even mention other artists, humourists, and philosophers). I wish I knew every single one of them in real life because words matter and theirs were beautiful. Poetry blogs often do not receive many comments (there are exceptions, of course) and I do not know what most of my own readers think of me and my words. I hope that there is more than just noise and pain that comes from them (my words here on this site). May God bless you all.
Poetry is hard to grasp
Until it clutches you
And until then it’s jumbled words
That dance as crazy before you.
I was not a very long-lived Chapman fan
But here I am today
And as I take that step
I am on my way.