Why Oh Heart Have You Betrayed

But unto death I struggled hard
Except those times I lost my faith
And every love I ever had
Seemed to be for naught.
I would have left if it were right
But wrong on wrong does not repair
And though I often dreamed of death
My very hand was stayed.

And still I fell a thousand times.

The night I die
I wonder who
If anyone at all
Will know me well enough
To remember anything actually real.

I would not stop but I am lost
And darkness settles nightly in
And I am scared to pray to God
Because I sin so often here.

But they crucified Him.

I do not feel late for a party
And I am not sure I will be missed
What comfort is there in this moment
Or is the moment just for pain?

Decades of unsought pain
Pouring like a cascade of broken glass
Tearing at skin and ripping flesh
And down it goes
It takes my dreams
I have nowhere to hide
The void inside is exposing.

And I feel too tired to hurt
Too numb to cry
I am used up in waiting
And I do not trust very much
Christ have mercy.

Do not let the kitten fall
Upon its kitten’s feet it lands
Do not let the purr go out
The world is far too grim.

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12 thoughts on “Why Oh Heart Have You Betrayed

  1. I’ve been there too, but it does get better, or it did for me. Not immediately, but eventually… I love the last two stanzas…. so different, so great! The last two lines really touch my heart… (but I’m not telling my cat that… she might stop cuddling and purring) 2013 totally sucked for me, so looking forward to 2014 being better… (I hope) Hope yours is too! 😀

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