Grasping at Things Way Out of Reach

Do you dream of
“the other side?”
You know,
the other side of whatever is in front of you
right now-

drugs,
sex,
gossip,
food,
poverty,
shame,
guilt,
the past…

It is hard to be here sometimes
“in the moment” as it were
But that is where we exist.

We know we don’t want to live in the past
But maybe sometimes we need to remember
That we can’t live in the future either…

The Day After

But upon reflection
(and a little music)
I felt as if in the early stages
of detox
And the shaking and vomiting
(of course the other noises)
were all just a precursor
to some great journey
that I did not know I had even been on
this whole time.

And so it goes the day after…

But on Easter

Did you know that I almost never go to church on Easter?
I always feel so strange when I do.

Who are all those people?

And usually none of them are seen again (except maybe on Christmas).

I believe in love
But I have a real hard time loving myself
Massah I think you know
I think you know my heart

You said to love your neighbor as yourself
and if I don’t love myself…

what then will my love of neighbors look like?

But the resurrection does matter
And the heart is the hardest thing to change
hardest to conquer,
hardest to woo,
hardest to soothe when in “a state.”

So let it sink,

sink into my bones.

With Blade and Fire Am I Instructed

But when I showed you a piece of me
A broken piece
You said nothing.

And your silence was a fire
And it burned all the pieces
And I felt them screaming
Screaming so loud
And yet you said nothing in response
And the world just turns for you
As all the broken pieces of my long forgotten heart
Shriek and turn black and then white…
and then blow away in the wind.

Why do I want to be heard?
Why do I want you to care?
The stones will not cry out
Will not be heard above the screams of my ashes
Even as they scatter in the wind.

Let the holy one judge me
And let me so be judged
His whip and scourge is to be preferred
Far more than your “friendship.”

And in this let me now see others who are forgotten
Who have not been heard
And may I do unto others…