First Impressions

There is a demon
That demon wraps like a snake
Wrapped around my chest and throat
And the demon chokes me with lies
and fear
And I think I am only the bad things I have done
And I think I am only the things that have been done to me-
Especially the things I do not speak of
And the people around me
They do not understand
For the most part
They do not have room
no room for my anguish
no room for this much pain
They do not hope for me
They are not along side me
they cannot bear with me
It seems it is too much
At least that is how it seems.


I get caught
between a rock
and a hard place
and I feel like
I am the only one
and that this never happens
to my enemies.

And I forget that
God hears
and I feel the world continue to spin
When I just want it to

And I just want to figure it out
but the world does not stop for me
or anyone else
and if it is happening to me
It has happened before
to others.

And I want it to stop
and I don’t want to feel
but I am swept along
carried by waves I could never hope to fight
and I am tired.

I don’t want to have small faith
but I do
and the road to big faith
is very hard.

Everyone knows this
in their head
(or at least they should)
but to know a thing in the heart as well
that is another story
and though I love stories
the best ones are awful to live through.

If it does not seem hopeless,
What is your rescue?
If it is not darker than the darkest night,
Then what will the dawn mean to you?

My bones, my bones,
my weary weary bones
let there be a voice
let there be a hand
let there be a hope
in this darkest of nights.

Drinking Coffee

Is the morning worth the night?
Is the calm worth the storm?
If I live another day,
Will somebody keep me warm?

In the hours where we weep
In that grey hard twilight land
Where the blood begins to seep
Who will have the strength to stand?

If the touch is what it takes
If the hope is somewhere found
Will my body still be whole?
When my time does come around.