Fear and faith and giant things
The kind that take you for a ride
Begin to well on up inside
As I look your way.
And as I step a tiny step
One so large I cannot see
I hear the whispers all around
And do not know which way to turn.
I am so wanting that I fall
Desperate hungry weak and low
And if I could just hear a voice
I might just get up from the snow.
Now is the hour of my death
My light has grown dim
Who will pray for my soul,
as I languish here between worlds?
It has been a long journey
to run out of me
perhaps there was just a lot more of me
than any of us realized.
Now is the twilight before the dark
And there is a silence before the fire
What will God do in this space?
Now that I begin to unravel.
The stress is killing me
It feels like there are too many rocks
and too much dirt
to remove
with just my hands
to make it out of this tunnel
or even see the light
and the air is getting so thin
and I feel like I am doing this all by myself
like no one even knows I’m stuck down here.
I’m too tired to scream
the rage is burned out
there is only exhausted smoldering anger
that waits.
The grief is so heavy
and I feel so ragged
pieces of me everywhere
and how do I go on?
“Take my love.
Take my land,
Take me where I cannot stand…”
I am afraid.
I won’t make it.
There just ain’t no way
and I ain’t got much left.
My hands shake
my body twitches
I cry
in the dark.
Hear me Lord
Hear my cry
my cry is just a whisper now
and that whisper
is fading fast.
I can’t keep it together much longer
Other men
take harder things
with less notice,
but I am not those men today.
Do not delay
I’m running out of me
and if that’s what you want…
well I guess you always get what you put your mind to.
If I am gone
They will know that you did not come
And I will have somehow
shamed you even in death.
If I go now,
They will not see your power
I know it is there
but most others hate you.
They ridicule you
They mock you
They have no respect
And goodness is far from them
They do know I am yours
and they will despise me
and say things
and I know you are bigger than their insults
And I know you cannot be shaken
but right now…
well,
this may be bread,
but it feels like a stone.
A Soul's Walk 