A Glimpse of Hell Now Very Present

We delved in dark to flee the light
And did not trust from up above
and though so close to victory
we jumped right down the hole.

Our screams descended fast as night
And life was gone before we blinked
And landing with a crunch of bones
We felt the pain of sin.

We thought that we could ease our pain
And make it flee just for a while
and so we made it grow again
And now a monster lives with us.

Down in the hole we are not heard
except perhaps by God himself
but he had warned us many times
and we jumped down the same.

Our cries are mute to most above
The heavens a fading memory
And as we think on what we’ve done
Hope seems very small.

Throw it Back to You

I got lost a little while
and never found my place in line
and sometimes wondering was good
and other times it made me freeze.

I found hope a little while
and couldn’t shake it’s rock-like stance
and when I lost myself out there
It felt even more lost because.

I traveled on and on and on and on
until I got right here
So let the sound within the fire
ring till I see clear.

How Will I Know the Way Back Home?

I don’t know what to pray
I feel as numb with heavy limbs
Like lead fills all my veins
A small victory sometimes seems
Far too little
amidst all the growing agony.
To do right is hard
and wrong so easy
and so the world tears itself apart.
I long for companionship
but fear all sorts of pain
my old friend who eats at me
is both a comfort
and a fear
and small victories seem so small
and the road seems far too long
and death, like a friendly cloak,
lurks in the shadows of every room.
The light begins but finds such shade
and darkness steals the left and right
and we in finite final form
fear to tread at all.
Would you believe in all this filth?
Would you believe with strawless bricks?
The fog is thick even in day
and the way has grown obscured.
But faith, unasked for,
hidden deep,
holds an ember with a fire
burning at the heart to keep
all it’s holy right desire.
Explanations fail the heart
after years of beatings grim
but faith, from reason, not apart
holds a fire in the night…

Fears that Stop Me Praying

Some nights are just longer than others
and if I were to be honest
I would tell you
(or at least tell myself)
that I didn’t like the waiting–
that I didn’t like the temptation and the testing,
that I was
in fact
very tired.

I have dreams you know
the ones I don’t like to think about
(which almost guarantees they won’t come to pass)
because I have a hard time with happy endings
(at least for myself)
but if I were to be honest…
I still have dreams.

But I am afraid to make them prayers
Do you believe in God?
I do
But I have some serious trust issues
even with Him.

I am afraid of joy.

I don’t trust it.

How could it possibly be?

For me…?

Trust

But can I trust that you have good
for one who has been oh so bad?
And all the things not understood
so done to me that broke my heart?

Trust is harder than I thought
and I don’t have a magic switch
and all the world feels torn apart
and off they go without a hitch.

Tell me there will be a judgement
and I will have to answer too
tell me that it’s not for nothing
all this pain we travel through.