Sometimes things are stopped
And you feel that the massive build-up of water behind the dam
Will crush you
But you also worry
That if the dam breaks,
Everything will be ruined.
We fear a loss of control
One we do not really have to begin with
And we long for love
and even happiness,
Take a brick out of your pack
and give it away
I would tell you to give it to God
But you would rightly point out
That I often do not do this so well myself
And of course
Some of you
Think Him a fiction anyways.
Yet there are things
Things stopping the right flow of us
And we need healing
And maybe that means
to fall apart
and let it all out,
if only we felt safe to do so.
There is this one thing
A thing that’s holding me back
But the things that keep me from giving up the one thing
They are fierce and terrifying.
I go out
You come in
A minute or two of beautiful terror.
How can I leave the dark
If I fear the light will not accept me?
How can I be holy
If the righteous do not offer shelter?
How can I believe in God
If I still think he’s out to get me?
How can I trust
When I do not trust?
Even a vision of beauty as such
Becomes a fearsome cruel sharp knife
And plunged into my heart again
I do not see the grace and truth
And after all,
Why would there be a place for me in this world
Why would another forgive me?
I guess you have a point
I mean you’re right it’s true
The things we do not know today
Are a bit scary.
But sometimes knowing makes me sad
And I used to explore
And hope and dream and try new things
Every day I left my door.
Don’t be scared oh precious one
You are worth so many birds
And you were made for weighty things
I feel it in my bones.
In a hurry
Filled with what
I do not know
Yet it wants to burst out free.
There are things that do not sleep
Like troubles in the night
And there are things that do not keep
Like gifts unused withheld from light.
There are monsters in your heart
Until a bigger devil comes
Or some avenging angel starts
Or soft the Spirit begins to burn.