In Faith

I want to find a way
And I want to trust today
I may not feel OK
But I want to find a way.

I want to feel a start
And in the waking hour
I want to sing my praise
And feel the Spirit’s power.

The hot sun wakes me
And I feel the touch of God
Let it rain down now.

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Timing

Sometimes
I get caught
intellectually
between a rock
and a hard place
and I feel like
I am the only one
and that this never happens
to my enemies.

And I forget that
God hears
and I feel the world continue to spin
When I just want it to
stop.

And I just want to figure it out
but the world does not stop for me
or anyone else
and if it is happening to me
It has happened before
to others.

And I want it to stop
and I don’t want to feel
but I am swept along
carried by waves I could never hope to fight
and I am tired.

I don’t want to have small faith
but I do
and the road to big faith
is very hard.

Everyone knows this
in their head
(or at least they should)
but to know a thing in the heart as well
that is another story
and though I love stories
the best ones are awful to live through.

If it does not seem hopeless,
What is your rescue?
If it is not darker than the darkest night,
Then what will the dawn mean to you?

My bones, my bones,
my weary weary bones
let there be a voice
let there be a hand
let there be a hope
in this darkest of nights.

In Time of Need

I am under siege.

The grip around my neck is tight and growing tighter
The lessons learned and forgotten and learned again
Have left me exhausted in my bones.

I am afraid.

The cold is fast upon my heart
And lonely I am stuck in fear
I hear raging all around and the center is not calm.

I am failing.

The light is weak the candle dies
It flickers as I reach for death
And in the morning I might, wake or I may be gone.

Hear my prayer.

The death I seek is not with bodies
Not revenge and not my own
Let my heart be rescued now as the old man dies.

I Hope

I hope.

I hope that one day soon
I will feel certain things
Certain things I know

I hope.

I hope that one day soon
I will trust more than I do.

I hope.

I hope that one day soon
The light that falls on me
Will fill me up
and spill over and out
and I will shine back.

I hope.

Nightmares

Distanced from our hearts
We find ourselves
Acting
As we promised
We never would
And thought
We never could.

And when we only feel
And do not think
We get even worse
And we wake up
in places
places we never dreamed
except in our worst nightmares.

And now we reside
In this darkness
And from here we seek the gospel
if it seeks us
and not from some high place
but from this pit
way down here.

Sing to me of your freedom
Tell me of mountaintops and clouds like skirts
That swirl and twirl and hide and reveal
And let me feel relief
and hope
if only for a moment.