Timing

Sometimes
I get caught
intellectually
between a rock
and a hard place
and I feel like
I am the only one
and that this never happens
to my enemies.

And I forget that
God hears
and I feel the world continue to spin
When I just want it to
stop.

And I just want to figure it out
but the world does not stop for me
or anyone else
and if it is happening to me
It has happened before
to others.

And I want it to stop
and I don’t want to feel
but I am swept along
carried by waves I could never hope to fight
and I am tired.

I don’t want to have small faith
but I do
and the road to big faith
is very hard.

Everyone knows this
in their head
(or at least they should)
but to know a thing in the heart as well
that is another story
and though I love stories
the best ones are awful to live through.

If it does not seem hopeless,
What is your rescue?
If it is not darker than the darkest night,
Then what will the dawn mean to you?

My bones, my bones,
my weary weary bones
let there be a voice
let there be a hand
let there be a hope
in this darkest of nights.

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Conventional Philosophy

Can you get it out…
by doing it?

Or do our poor decisions merely tell us…
That there is something inside
That will not come out
on its own?

Why all the wooing?
Why all the freedom?
Why all the choosing?

Even in the garden…

He put that tree.

Some Answers Are Always There

But what if the leaves turn brown?
They do that every year.
But what if the darkness comes?
The sun sets every day.
What if my loved ones die?
None of us make it out alive.

How will I know the way?
“Follow your feet…”

Some Days With Our Brothers and Sisters

Hope is a precious thing
And I don’t know where it goes
When your child dies.

Every day someone dies.

Everyone is someone’s child.

And sometimes you outlive your children.

Where does gentle hope reside
When grief in force kicks down your door?
And where do fragile spirits hide
With all this blood upon the floor?

Teach me oh God of Wrath
Where the rain upon the earth will fall
And where the soul that grieves may go
When every hope has fled.

So God, I was wondering…

What is a life worth?
I mean, is there a price?
A lot of people have died after all.

What was Doug worth?
What would make his death OK?
What would justify it?
What would make anyone think that the end was worth the middle?

I have to ask,
Is freedom worth it?

There is a light in a person’s eyes
There is a light
It can go out.

Dark Paths Towards Light

And still a fractured self
That hurts and bleeds and cries
And still is slow to trust
Still afraid to obey
Still afraid of stillness.

Does this story end well?
Do we make it out alive?
Is there hope not just then,
but now?
Is this life worth living at all?

How do you trust this Jesus
This God made man
This one you never saw
And never
felt his skin.

Fractured View

You asked why you were forsaken
As if you did not know
Can you not know?
How am I to understand your not knowing?
Am I to be comforted if you are not wholly other?
If you became as us
How then can you triumph?
The demons are strong
In life and in metaphor…

Round and round we dance
And sing and sing and fall
We long for every chance
But we cannot see it all.

In our struggle
Its desire is for us
It lies in wait
How may we rule over it?
I do not understand…

Divine Questions

“You will wrestle…”
And so it has been
it was apparently not a request
and yet perhaps
it was the kindest command I ever received.

Why

How can I leave the dark
If I fear the light will not accept me?
How can I be holy
If the righteous do not offer shelter?
How can I believe in God
If I still think he’s out to get me?
How can I trust
When I do not trust?
Even a vision of beauty as such
Becomes a fearsome cruel sharp knife
And plunged into my heart again
I do not see the grace and truth
And after all,
Why would there be a place for me in this world
Why would another forgive me?

Not Will Protect But Never Save

Not is never enough
Let the striving fall
Not will never win
There must be more or none at all
We cannot live for negatives
But must have something to hold close
We must move towards something
Or nothing at here at all.
Hold the flames up close and see
How they burn away the worst
And if the best might come to be
Then maybe there is hope.
I could not live to avoid
I must needs steer towards some real point
But when the house is burning down
It is hard to see.
Will you save me from myself?
From my enemies in force?
Will you save me from the wolf?
Or will I simply die in testing?
Better men have fallen hard
And I still walk above the ground
I am tired in my bones
And hope is hard to find.