Led around by one
Who was being led around by God
Even though she did not know it
And so certain memories were brought back to mind
And I was alone with them
While with her
As if she was not there
But there was small talk
Which seemed a bit of a relief
it definitely did not mean
that I was OK…
I get caught
between a rock
and a hard place
and I feel like
I am the only one
and that this never happens
to my enemies.
And I forget that
and I feel the world continue to spin
When I just want it to
And I just want to figure it out
but the world does not stop for me
or anyone else
and if it is happening to me
It has happened before
And I want it to stop
and I don’t want to feel
but I am swept along
carried by waves I could never hope to fight
and I am tired.
I don’t want to have small faith
but I do
and the road to big faith
is very hard.
Everyone knows this
in their head
(or at least they should)
but to know a thing in the heart as well
that is another story
and though I love stories
the best ones are awful to live through.
If it does not seem hopeless,
What is your rescue?
If it is not darker than the darkest night,
Then what will the dawn mean to you?
My bones, my bones,
my weary weary bones
let there be a voice
let there be a hand
let there be a hope
in this darkest of nights.
We delved in dark to flee the light
And did not trust from up above
and though so close to victory
we jumped right down the hole.
Our screams descended fast as night
And life was gone before we blinked
And landing with a crunch of bones
We felt the pain of sin.
We thought that we could ease our pain
And make it flee just for a while
and so we made it grow again
And now a monster lives with us.
Down in the hole we are not heard
except perhaps by God himself
but he had warned us many times
and we jumped down the same.
Our cries are mute to most above
The heavens a fading memory
And as we think on what we’ve done
Hope seems very small.
I will always remember you as you were
The one who answered my dark pain
with an urgent kiss.
And I will always wish you well
As the one who showed me love
And though it all fell fast apart
And my whole world became again a mess
I will still remember.
After all these years
I say to myself
and now it feels more true
As my body catches up
to my soul.
I suffer under the burden of my own introspection
The weight of which is like unto lead
Or perhaps in Egypt I carry bricks
With every thought I have.
I have been hard on myself when I should have been soft
And soft when I should have been hard.
And the feeling of failure that snatches my joy
Is another brick thrown on my back.
“Have mercy on me!”
I cry in the evening
I whisper each morn.
There has been a cleaning,
it is a fire that burns me
my mistakes burn like fire
each success is a flame.
And everywhere I am consumed.
“The weight of which,”
Do not delay
Long expected king.
I have been to market and to church
and in the coffee house I have discussed
all of knowledge that I knew
and then I took a sip.
There is a burning.
At the concert hall I sat down
And listened to the works of man
and all I heard was God’s own voice
in every perfect note.
There is a fire.
If I sing in our church choir
will I feel the hand of God?
Or am I filled with fool’s desire
to trip and fall again.
Let me be so consumed.
I feel as though in harder times
I may have sewn some weighty seeds
And now the rain begins to fall
And I can feel the earth.
I studied like to ancient men
And prayed as though mountains moved
And now I feel the slightest breeze
And I can feel the sky.
Holy writ so lived from high
Made unto us lesser men
We who feel the earth and sky
Look to see you come again.