Tanks

If I imagine

Myself

As having different tanks

Like a car

That requires multiple different fuels

I have this tank

Of love

And another

Of acceptance

And another

Of purpose

And another of hope

I find that all the possible tanks

Are never all filled

And I might have to drain one

To fill another.

Do I ever get to feel

A day or night in that high dream

What it’s like to be

With all the tanks all full?

By the lake

The lapping gentle waves ashore

Invite my heart to less not more

And as my heart accepts the calm

The peace seeps in a healing balm.

In this calmer state I find

The voice of heaven bleeding kind

The tears and panic fade away

And in this space the quiet lay

I do not have the answers here

But I have felt the grip of fear

And knowing just how cruel a foe

I will rejoice to see fear go.

I hurt

I was born where

And when

I was.

I had no control

over such things.

Would that I knew why God had placed me here.

I am adrift

And I am not sure

How to help

Or do good

For others.

Christ have mercy.

Contemplation

The wine I’m drinking

The book I’m reading

The sun that’s setting

The prayer I’m breathing

All this I do alone

And I suppose

There is a weight to that solitude

And I feel it now.

Christ have mercy

On me a sinner.