Memories

On a Wednesday, After

Led around by one
Who was being led around by God
Even though she did not know it
And so certain memories were brought back to mind
And I was alone with them
While with her
As if she was not there
But there was small talk
And joking
Which seemed a bit of a relief
to her
even though
it definitely did not mean
that I was OK…

Bumblebee

Yellow and black and worn back then
I burned you a bit on accident
You made a noise when I shook you round
And your felt antennae were always droopy.

You were a gift that I had got
And now I could not even say
Where you’ve gone just like the ghost
Who gave me life and gave me you.

Memories are hard to hold
but some are hard to lose
I wish that you were still with me
That I might just remember.

Bully

Stepping in front of you seemed
necessary
and I didn’t hesitate
because I was furious.
You were so big
and he was so small.

I never felt like someone fought for me
and I knew that
was terrible
and I knew how it felt
to feel so scared
and alone
when the monsters came for you.

So I stepped in between
And he had a chance to run
and I got my ass kicked
and kept coming back for more.
Someone
had to fight.
Someone had to stand up for the little one.

It didn’t occur to me
just how little I was
myself.

I couldn’t beat you
at anything really
so I just threw myself at you
until you stopped.
And I did it every time,
and it hurt me every time
every time you kicked the shit out of me
I knew you weren’t kicking someone else.

We were just little kids
and nothing has changed in life.
The world is still full of you
Only you are bigger
and have guns
and worse…
lawyers and politicians and judges.

Let the angels weep
and fly on swiftest wing
that they might save the weak
from themselves.

Ricky

It was a beautiful fall day
And a rain soaked night
With leaves covering the street
The night they hit that tree.

No one was drunk
No one was high
Kids just drive too fast
over wet leaves.

I used to play with Ricky
He was kind of a tool
He came off as arrogant and snobby
Even in the fifth grade.

But he could run
And I know he lit up his parents eyes
And I’m sure they expected a lot
And I’m sure he felt the pressure.

But a lot of us did
And we were just kids
So we played baseball and softball and wiffle ball–
I don’t think we cared as long as we could get on the diamond.

We played kickball too
Which just proves my point
We just wanted to play
On that diamond, which happened to be across the street from his house.

I buried a time capsule near that diamond once
I wonder if it is still there,
I buried it years before Ricky died
I don’t even remember exactly where.

I hate that his parents don’t get to see him
They don’t get to fight
They don’t get to make up
No one gets to grow with each other.

I remember the diamond
And how we used to play
And I wish that he were here with us
and not just in spirit.

That Bathtub Had Fancy Claws

There was a moment
When I was much younger
That stands out still
A moment where someone really went all out
And made me really smile.
Of course it was a girl
(I am still a flirt,
and a sucker)
but it was so heartfelt
And wonderful
And no one expected anything wrong
Or much at all…

It was when she said,
“Let’s go upstairs,”
that I began to feel better
and no, this doesn’t go there–
get your mind out of the gutter.
We were at a dance
in a mansion
and the upstairs was off-limits.

She wore a long sequined evening gown
and it sparkled in the light
as she bent
to step under the ropes,
pulling me by the hand behind her.

I don’t know
if I could ever
forget
what it was like
for two teenagers
to sneak up those stairs
her in that sparkling gown
and me in my step-father’s black tuxedo…

and there is no guilt,
and no shame,
and even the memory of it
makes me smile.

She was ravishingly beautiful
With long dark locks
and big beautiful eyes.
And,
I don’t dream about her
and don’t pine for what once was
I just am happy
that it was
Her dress sparkled
and so did her eyes
and upstairs
it was with mischief.

“Let’s get in here,
and take pictures…
it will be funny.”
It was
but it was a lot more
than just funny–
it made me smile.

Sugarface

The indomitable spirit of Sugarface
Was tied to mortal coil
And cut down like a blade of grass
By a large american car.
Sugarface was a cat
White from head to tail
and looking at her bleeding out
shocked my little child’s mind.
I miss that cat
with the indomitable spirit
that cat with the attitude…
of a cat.
I hope some day
at long last
that Sugarface,
now larger than life
will return.
I would like to put a saddle on her
and ride her into battle–
obviously this might require some strong drugs
but Battle cat was always cool.
Maybe I should get my next cat a helmet.