Fragments from the Gospel Road

If you pretend to overlook an offense
It really isn’t love.

And resentment builds and it comes out
One way or another.

I love to find the best of things
And search them to the core
But dinner bells begin to ring
and my mind leaves the fore.

I would love to really love
And the older now I get
I realize just how hard it is
To even love myself.

Quick falls the pretense
When life is on the line.

I cannot pretend now
To be more spiritual
Than I really am today

My heart just can’t take the lying.

Love really is
The hardest and the best
The journey and the goal
God see me through.

On a Wednesday, Before

Sometimes people make you feel like an afterthought
And it stings a little
And you want to return the favour.

But love is different
And I was first loved
And people have their own story- especially the people hurting your feelings.

It’s funny,
Having feelings
They are so honest and yet so mysterious.

A Place in Time

A long road with real stress
A real sense you will not last
And will not pass a single test
And cannot leave the past.

But real hope is for these times
And for these thoughts and for this heart
And though it be in pieces now
This is where faith grows.

And Then…

But really,
if we are honest,
We want to avoid the confrontation
(not all of us mind you).
But all of us
Want to avoid
some confrontation.

We all want to be loved-
But how hard is it?
We all want to belong,
But we don’t always look around us.

You see,
we all want to connect with someone-
no,
we need to connect with someone.
And who is trying?
Desperately trying
to connect with us,
right now?

Loving is hard, isn’t it?
And I am not talking about romance
The way is hard
and who can tread it,
without God?

It seems
that it is hard to go without people
and that it can be hard to love people without God
and it can be hard to approach God…
and then there is this gospel.

Changing Everything

But I want to give in
And give up
Better men than me could not change
And who am I?
I want to fall back into darkness
As it gently tears me to peaces from the inside out
In what world could I possibly ever hope to triumph?
In what world could I ever imagine changing?
Who am I that I should think I could be better?
That I could change?

I am nothing.

I am no one.

But then there was the incarnation.

Did not God become a man?

Blood and scales and screaming pain
I beg you to change what I cannot change-
My heart.

Forgive me and show me flying horses.

Restore me and let me be held.

Let that tiny seed grow.

Forgiving

“Forgive them Lord,
for they know not what they do.”

I think I speak for all of us
When I say
That we wish we could say this of ourselves
more often
But,
we often do
know
what we do.

And we still do it.

I think we all find it hard
To forgive our enemies
and ourselves.

But without forgiveness
Where would we go?
What would there be left?

Nothing.

Why

How can I leave the dark
If I fear the light will not accept me?
How can I be holy
If the righteous do not offer shelter?
How can I believe in God
If I still think he’s out to get me?
How can I trust
When I do not trust?
Even a vision of beauty as such
Becomes a fearsome cruel sharp knife
And plunged into my heart again
I do not see the grace and truth
And after all,
Why would there be a place for me in this world
Why would another forgive me?

Love Made Real in Memory

I will always remember you as you were
The one who answered my dark pain
with an urgent kiss.

And I will always wish you well
As the one who showed me love
for real.

And though it all fell fast apart
And my whole world became again a mess
I will still remember.

Trust

You know they say there will be a judgement
And no sin goes unpunished
I suppose when you’ve been hurt
This should be comforting
But when you’ve been hurt
And then hurt others yourself
(and I realize this is most everyone)
It is a bit…
well, confusing is not the word
I suppose it is just
conflicting.

Part of me just wants to drink my coffee
In a world where I don’t feel anger
And my heart is free from pain
And my belly full of coffee and muffins.

Part of me wants revenge
Blood in the streets
Heads on pikes
Houses burned to the ground
The rubble collected and thrown into the sea
And salt plowed into the earth.

Often, however,
I just want to die.

I mean I can’t keep track of punishing people that hurt me
When I need to be punished
And the people that hurt them need to be punished
And everyone has hurt someone
And no one is just good.
And well,
if I think about it too long
the flood seems a no brainer
and the rainbow…
some unmeasurable mercy.

But maybe that’s not too long
Maybe that’s only the start
Of the thinking that is.

Some day the judgment will come
I suppose just knowing we won’t be allowed to run like this
run like this forever–
And I mean we,
not people,
or the world,
I mean us.
I suppose knowing that is a comfort.
Trusting it,
that is another matter.

Revelation Twenty-One Four

There are lines that shouldn’t be crossed

And things that shouldn’t be done

And no one really wants to forgive

It’s hard toiling under this sun.

 

People say so many things

And they are sometimes right

But living out what they have said

Gets harder every night.

 

I don’t know just how to go

And where I’m supposed to be

But one day with the tears all gone

I know I will be free.